Key takeaways from Biden’s first White House news conference

– Sir, what are your plans for re-election?

– I’ve united the country. I saw that on CNN.

– I’m sorry?

– Oh – that was the third question, wasn’t it? I’m afraid I read the answer to the fourth question by mistake.

– That can happen, Sir.

– You see, I have these cards, you see, with pictures and names of all the people I know.

– That must be helpful.

– Aren’t you that nice woman with the little girl?

– No, I’m afraid not, Sir.

– But you’re Kamala, aren’t you?

– The vice-president is standing beside you.

– Oh, I thought that was my wife. So you don’t have a little girl? Say, why are you all wearing those masks? That’s kind of scary, man!

– It’s the pandemic, Sir.

– Oh yes, I remember someone telling me about that. By the way, you don’t have to worry about that fellow, what’s his name, Hitler, anymore. I just gave the order to nuke the Soviet Union.

– That’s wonderful, Sir.